The Single greatest book I have read, and continue to re read is “If It’s Heartbreak It Can Be Healed” by Chuck Spezzano Ph.D . This isn’t a marriage repair manual, its a heartbreak repair workbook. Start here, as it will help you, and through you, will help your relationship.

The cheated upon always seem to forget that even though your partner cheated you still have responsibility to heal the rift if you decide to stay in the relationship. The rift begins with yourself. I know this seems as though we are blaming ourselves for the affair, it is simply not the entire truth. Healing yourself in no way lets your partner off the hook for the cheating. It does eventually relieve you of crushing emotional pain.

I have been reading blogs written by those people whom have been cheated upon.  I hope I can help as I was a cheated upon spouse.  I have to say at this point that I was fortunate that my spouse was willing to heal himself, and work for our marriage.  I will also advise to the cheated upon that not all Cheaters are willing, ready or able to resolve their issues regarding their affair.  No amount of pleading or verbal threats to leave, will induce your cheating partner to heal their own emotional pain.  You ,as the cheated upon however, owe it to yourself to repair your own pain.   Take responsibility for the places in your relationship where you failed, learn a new way to communicate, and a new way to love.  Your Partner may follow, perhaps not.  This may seem risky to you at this point because you want to save the relationship, but trust me, it will save you.  Your relationship will stand or fall depending on what the two of  you do individually ,to repair the whole.

The most important issue I have discovered helpful in the repair of my 22 year marriage is that I have to listen without judgement to my husbands emotional pain regarding the affair.  Two years after the affair we still talk about the affair but in a healing way.  I firmly believe that when I became a trustworthy listener, my husband felt safe to confide in me.  In return, my husband is now a trustworthy listener and I feel safe confiding in him.  This is the single most healing effort we have made in our marriage.

I began being a trustworthy listener by healing my own pain.  I still read this book, often to deal with lingering anger and hurt regarding the affair.  I do not think the affair will ever be forgotten, but I now regard it as a painful learning experience.

I believe this book can heal the Cheater as well.  There are many Cheaters who are struggling with their affair, and the messy fallout .

Excerpt From If Its Heartbreak……….

A healing Exercise:

” I realize there must be a better way than what has occurred.  I now choose that better way.  Let my higher mind show it to me”

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